Case
File Summary 2319
by
DCI Yara Lightfoot, Serious and Metaphysical Crime Squad.
Introduction
The
100% Successful Advertising Company was founded on February
2nd 2002 by a gentleman known as Jonny Atwell. This may or may
not be his real name. He has been known by other names, as has the
firm associated with him. Despite taking on apparently legitimate
commissions from time to time, the Company was primarily a front for
a culture jamming operation using anomalous memetic methods.
To begin with it wasn’t clear that 100% Successful Advertising
Company was committing any crimes.
The anomaly generated/harnessed by the Company has the potential to
seriously affect all forms of human interaction. While Atwell remains
at large he may decide to share his secrets or trade them.
A
memetic item is an object, tangible or otherwise, used to encode
and/or transmit information. A word is a memetic object. I may say to
you “can I borrow your pen?” for example. My desire for the
temporary use of a pen is communicated through a chain of sounds,
translated into morphemes. You may understand what I say to you or
you may not. You may also act on what I say or not. What Atwell has
been doing is encoding information that can only be understood
and must be acted upon. He is converting human brains, complex
and original, effectively into hard drives, with limited neural
pathways.
Financial inflow appears to have been insufficient to sustain the
Company's operations. The Serious and Metaphysical Crime Squad is
working with fraud investigators to disentangle the company's
accounts from other ‘information’ contained within. Some of this
report will be redacted due to ongoing info-hazard screening and
deactivation.
Suspect
– Jonny/Rupert Atwell
Mr Atwell is the founder of
the Company and chief suspect in this case. We know (or are fairly
sure) he is 35, Caucasian, approximately six foot tall, with brown,
mid-length hair. He speaks with an English accent, non-regionalised.
We are currently unable to find any living relatives of Mr
Atwell. He has a mother and father, Mr and Mrs Alan and Angela
Atwell, though there is no record of their existence online,
financial, health or local government after September 26th, 2008,
the day their house in Uxbridge that they had lived in for the
previous [Redacted] years was purchased by an unknown party. The
house is still unoccupied and the parents are missing. NHS
records indicate that ‘Rupert’ Atwell was born in Hillingdon
Hospital on February 2nd 1980
though we should treat this fact with caution. He appears to have
attended primary and secondary schools in West London 1984 to 1996
though again caution should be advised.
Interviews
conducted with former teachers indicate difficulty remembering
something consistent and true about Atwell beyond approximately the
age of fourteen.
Piecing together character-based accounts we get a young man with
charm and affability, a fairly good academic performance, but also
some anti-social tendencies, particularly an ability to manipulate
both pupils and teachers, combined with an attraction to creating
chaos. This tendency accelerated during his secondary education.
One notable incident, verified, was when Atwell managed to bargain
with a teacher to get one week's worth of detention commuted in
return for delivering 1,000 leaflets for an upcoming school fete.
This is remarkable in itself but furthermore Atwell it seems
persuaded three first-year pupils to actually deliver the leaflets.
Other examples given by eyewitnesses include getting the canteen
staff to relabel the condiments to opposite flavours, persuading the
janitor to remove the all doors in a science block and writing
[Redacted] on a blackboard causing a second-year class plus the
teacher to forget the French language existed.
Atwell
graduated in 2001 from the University of [Redacted], as Jonny Atwell,
with a first-class honours degree in Computer Programming and Media
Studies. After an unremarkable second year his final year grades
improved dramatically. His dissertation is currently under embargo as
an info-hazard. His final presentation, a short lecture recorded on
VHS, the title of which was [Redacted] Synapse [Redacted]
Juxtaposition [Redacted] in the [Redacted], is available for
restricted viewing.
Case
history
These
are examples, now all screened and (mostly) detoxed and set in
chronological order, beginning with: “New Gym Opens…” dated
January the 7th, 2006:
New
Gym Opens in [Redacted]
By Jermaine Concord
Millennium goose pimple sex alcohol over your skin now stuck to your
belly? Why not turn over a new waif? Get on down to touch see good
develop new body tones rubbing at the new state of the art gymnasium,
Pleiades Inversion Plan B, opening next week in [Redacted].
“Reasonable prices” says owner Marshall Cartilage, “with
measurable equipment and opaque results. I get revolutionary new
oversight of personal trainers, ten methods in all; just wipe off the
mess after you’re done!”
So if you want to get fit for the burgeoning army, classic flavours
and a new you, why not try Pleiades Inversion Plan B, on [Redacted]?
The
story was rewritten from a faxed press release sent to a freesheet
called Get West, which was delivered round the borough of Ealing. It
came from a number eventually traced to the Company.
The
piece initially proved successful for the gym, actually named Marsha
Jane’s for its owner Marsha-Jane Carter. Several thousand
people registered with the gym and the business experienced strong
profits in first six months. Membership dropped off in time and the
business was wound up a little over three years later. We have been
unable to trace Ms Carter. All record of her existence ends after the
summer of 2009. Evidence suggests the gymnasium was not anomalous in
itself and there is nothing, as of yet, to suggest Ms Carter was or
is involved with the Company.
The
advert proved less successful for a number of newspaper staff, who
were reprimanded and/or demoted, including the editor of the paper
and sub editor who approved it. The person whose name is on the
by-line has not been traced however it is a pseudonym used by one of
the Five Suspects (see below).
The
first audio example collected (and transcribed) is called
“Radiochair.” It was broadcast 12th of May, 2008,
11.35am, on [Redacted] FM and London music radio station:
The sounds of a sound check, drums and
cymbals clash, stray guitar riffs and a man shouts: “one two, one
two, check, check…” The sound fades down a little.
Man: [Loud with a mockney/MLE accent] Indie
schmindie, yeah? You climb to the top of the landfill and what do you
see? Radiochair and they're KICKING OUT THE JANUS STATUES!
Man: You’ve not heard of them before but you
know EXACTLY WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE! They’ve come from the Trenchant Academy and they’ve come to SOFT ROCK YOU with their MATHS! You
will SUBMIT CORPOREALLY to the Radiochair classic flavours such as
[Redacted], “Bellatrix Indigo Prat Ramp (pump my squirrel…)”
and “Why Not Try Animating My French Glands…?”
If that doesn't glisten your crisps
then you are COMPELLED to buy their new album with MONEY or FOOD!
The
advert resulted in a spike of internet searches for both the band and
the songs in question, lasting for approximately thirty hours. In
that time two webpages
appeared both claiming to have not only music but also live footage,
press details and lists upcoming gigs for Radiochair. The band didn't
actually exist.
No
one knows how the clip was smuggled on air. The show it was broadcast
on was brought to a halt soon after the presenter, Aiden Longworth
and producer Juba Dettori left the station building and got into a
waiting car. The last words spoken on the show were given by neither
Longworth nor Dettori but a third person, a male-sounding voice,
digitally altered. It said:
“Quality
Control delivered test run aim fire eats shoots leaves.”
Longworth
later turned up in the University College of London Hospital, heavily
amnesticised and unware of the incident. Longworth was reintegrated
into society in December 2009 with a new identity.
“Iceberg,”
dated 15th of September, 2008, refers to a quarter-page
advert placed in a tabloid called City and Financial News. It was
discovered retrospectively during police interviews conducted in 2011
with three former employees of [Redacted] Brothers into a separate
matter. The advert consisted of a blue-tinted picture of a large
iceberg, looming in the Thames, seen through the silhouette of
various buildings belonging to the Canary Wharf complex. Overlaid in
white, [Redacted] point Arial letters was the phrase: “No rainbows
and Reykjavik is bracing see my friend.” This is of course the day
when [Redacted] Brothers folded. Despite conducting interviews with
staff at the paper we were unable to find who placed the advert, just
a ledger with outstanding invoice to “100% Company.”
“Stop
right there auntie…” dated 23rd of March 2010 was a
major traffic disruption in Central London eventually traced to an
advert programmed into the electronic billboard above the westbound
section of the Euston underpass. The advert consisted of a cropped
photograph of the front of car, light-blue, unknown make or model,
with a number plate bearing “LDN 23 GRD”, and a caption in black,
Billboard Font, saying:
Stop
Right
There
Auntie.
SAMCS agents were alerted to the incident by British Transport
Police. The advert was placed with the billboard’s owners by a firm
logged as “The 100.” The firm had a listed address in Central
London but the building was discovered to have been demolished three
months prior as part of Crossrail construction. The 100’s
web-domain was acquired by SAMCS shortly afterwards. No memetic
hazards were discovered in its website until the section marked
“About Us” it said:
“The
100 is next-level advertising. Through advanced entropic
methodologies WE WILL guarantee you and your brand market leadership.
WE WILL help you straddle the brain barrier. In turbulent economic
times we are the ROCK YOU can depend on.”
“No Face Selfies,” refers to a chain of events that took place
between February the 2nd and February the 4th
2011. They were brought to the attention of SAMCS by senior officers
of the Household Regiment in Knightsbridge. The incident is known
publicly as an unfortunate series of suicides that took place between
the above dates in and around the Knightsbridge Barracks.
In
just a little under 40-hours seven soldiers, Privates [Redacted],
[Redacted], [Redacted] and [Redacted], Sergeants [Redacted] and
[Redacted], and Corporal [Redacted], died. It began with Private
[Redacted] who locked himself in a changing room cubicle and
attempted to remove his facial features with a razor blade. Before
expiring due to his injuries Private [Redacted] used a mobile phone
to send a picture of himself to Private [Redacted], the second
victim. The meme spread in this manner.
The
meme was eventually traced to a notice placed on a common-room board,
an A5 sheet of paper with a picture of a manic-looking clown in
extravagant make-up with a caption underneath, in [Redacted] point
Courier saying: “Inside. You are beans. Inside. This is a cannery.
Fetch the tin opener. Spread the word. Outside. 100. 23. I am Eris.
Don't fuck with me.” After a brief
investigation a staff member working for a firm with a contract to
clean the facility was found to have gone missing; her name was Juno
Dettori.
Associates
There
are, or were, four known associates of Jonny/Rupert Atwell, all are
currently in SAMCS custody.
Juba/Juno Dettori, age, unknown, presumed over
30, height 5’6”: appearance, dark, wavy hair, eye colour unknown,
medium build, speaks with Received Pronunciation: known alias, Anna
Matschke. Juba was a known personal assistant to Atwell. She
has an anomalous talent of being able to
obscure her facial features on all photographs and videos taken of
her and in the memory of anyone who has seen her. Though now
conscious she either does not know or is unwilling to say how she is
able to do this.
Anton
Lavorski, a computer engineer age 55, height 6’2”: appearance,
brown hair, brown eyes: known aliases (the most common), Kaltespiel,
Immortal Beloved, Traven, Fulcanelli, Kropotkin’s Revenge. Lavorski
was a computer programmer living in North London. In 1989 he helped
found and lead a local Anti-Poll Tax Union. He was summoned to
magistrates for prosecution for non-payment in the summer of 1990,
shortly after the initial hearing he disappeared.
David
Mansell, age 36, height 5'9”, bald with shaven hair, he was a
well-known graffiti artist, flaneur and housing agitator.
Jay Sherman, age 24, height 5'8”, blonde
hair, baby-face, a sound technician, also known as Jermaine Conker,
Jermaine Concord and Jimmy Creases.
Known affiliations of the Four, include:
The League against Anthroposection
a terrorist group circa 1986-1999, dedicated to freeing humanoid
anomalies held by the (so-called) Department of Metaphysics.
Free the Furious Five,
a campaign, no one was sure what it was about but in 1994 it produced
a great deal of flyposting then disappeared. The only consistent
aspect of the postering was repetition of the number 23.
Copyright Liberation Publishing;
active from 1991 to 2008, it produced amongst a host of pamphlets,
all available in the SAMCS library, including…
Rocket from the Crypt;
a discordian monthly magazine with orientation toward music.
The North London Tenants and Residents
Association: a collective of
psychogeographers. It met once a fortnight for a discussion and tour,
usually beginning in somewhere in Archway.
IWW Local 1312
is not a union branch but a police-watch group that, amongst other
things keeps files on SAMCS.
Seven
Proxies, a secret internet bulletin
board and anarchist/discordian/situationist meeting point, only
recently cracked. Hopefully it will shed light not just on this but
other cases.
Atwell
recruited from this milieu, anarchist bordering on discordian. The
four became his employees. His associates are now in SAMCS custody.
All of them in are in a post-vegetative state, having recovered
consciousness but not any prior memories or identities. They are
impossible to interview until the seemingly permanent brain rewiring
clearly carried out by their former employer is resolved.
Further
case history
SAMCS
came onto the case in 2008. Having narrowed down the source of the
disturbances officers pursued Atwell for several months. He was
eventually found living on a boat moored off the Chelsea Embankment.
Atwell was not hostile but was clearly aware of his position and did
not give SAMCS interviewers much to go on. Officers did not find a
basis to charge Atwell and eventually have to release him.
In
2011 there was an attempt to introduce an Anti-Memetics Bill to
Parliament. It failed in the House of Lords for opaque reasons.
A number of peers expected to vote for the bill either didn't turn up
or voted against. The reading came two days before the counterattack
on the Knightsbridge Barracks.
The new offices of the 100% Successful
Advertising Agency were found to be in Shoreditch. November 2010,
SAMCS placed the building and the staff under permanent surveillance.
Though unable to make arrest we were able to covertly contain a
number of info-hazards emanating from said firm.
A bill was passed in 2012 and Atwell's
activities were finally outlawed. SAMCS prepared for an arrest but it
seems Atwell was also prepared.
For three years no illegal info-hazards emerged
from the Company. The operation was due to be wound down when,
on December 15th 2015, SAMCS intelligence intercepted an
advert pitch coming from the Company, a proposition for reviving a
well-known advert for a price comparison website that was full of
info-hazards.
An arrest squad was prepared. They were unable to make arrest
however. The squad halted en masse outside in sight of the building.
There was a banner hung from one of the office windows. It said: “You
can't come in: You cannot arrest us: Signed Children of Eris.” It
took nearly two days for SAMCS officers to deactivate the meme. By
the time the squad got inside Atwell was long gone. CCTV footage
recovered later showed a man matching Atwell’s description walking
out of the building wearing a t-shirt with the logo “Nothing to See Here.” After gaining access officers found four people in the
office, matching the descriptions of Atwell’s associates, each
unconscious and wrapped almost head to foot in bandages.