The
warehouse door was open. There it was, one of the most advanced cases
Felix and Matt had ever seen. The rollers of this particular machine
had hauled themselves off their frame. There were scrape-marks left
where it had dragged itself across the shop floor. The ‘mouth’
was gorging itself on great bales of paper while the rear end was
weaving the beginnings of a cocoon.
The
Foreman shook Felix and Matt’s hands. “Brian, I spoke to you on
the phone. I’m so glad you’re here” he said. So, uh…” the
Foreman clapped his hands, “what can you guys do…?” He hovered
nervously round the pair. Some yards away a huddle of workers was
also watching. One of them said:
“Who
ya gonna call…?” as if Felix and Matt hadn’t heard that one
before.
“I’m
not sure yet” said Felix, pondering the situation. “Matt…?”
he turned to his colleague, who just shrugged. Back to Brian, Felix
said “every case is unique. How long has it been…?”
“Since
it…”
“Since
it started being actively anomalous?” said Felix.
“It
started this morning” said Brian, “it was a limited run before
the evening papers… What do you think caused this?” he added.
“Commodity
fetishism, innit…?” Matt chuckled.
“What’s
that…?” Brian asked, perplexed.
“You
do know your Marxism, right?” Felix deadpanned.
“I’m
sorry…” said Brian, now quite panicked. He didn’t.
“Commodity
fetishism” said Matt, twirling his beard, still grinning “it’s
when stuff comes alive.” Brian nodded as if he understood. They
looked back on the machine-caterpillar still gorging away.
“So,
what are
you going to do?” Brian asked again.
“Not
sure” said Felix. He walked toward the caterpillar slowly.
“There’re two… general
options” he said. “We can destroy it…”
Brian
quibbled, “But…?”
“You
want to stick around” said Felix sharply, “and see what comes out
of the cocoon?”
“Well,
no…” said Brian, following after Felix.
“We
could
deactivate it” said Matt, also in tow. Brian audibly smiled at
that. “But you’d still have a big heaping mess” Matt added, “a
dead mechanical insect on your hands.”
Brian
sighed, his face fell. “Do what you have to.”
“Oh
we will” said Matt with an even broader smile.
“We’ll
want an engineer” said Felix, absently to the Foreman. “You can
stay too, if you want, but…” he turned on his heel and realised
the crowd had gathered round them. “You lot can all go home.”
“Are
we still getting paid?” asked one of the workers.
“Get
a union, boys” said Matt. “And girls” he added, noticing the
gender mix.
…
“So”
said the Engineer, “are you all commies in your department?” She
glanced up at Felix with a defiant look. Felix tried not to look
phased.
“No”
he said eventually. “Matt here is an accelerationist.” Matt was
circling round the meta-beast, tentatively. The Engineer just shook
her head and said:
“But
how’d you end up working for the Man?”
“Same
way you did” said Felix, nodding up at the control room where Brian
the foreman was negotiating with several staff members.
“There
are those who say that since the ascent of social democracy the state
has become contested” said Matt. “Not me” he added. “I’m in
it for the monsters.” Matt grinned. He was holding a strange
device, pointing it at the caterpillar. “Readings are off the
chart.”
“Literally…?”
said Felix.
“Almost”
said Matt. “Look” he walked over to where Felix and the Engineer
were standing. He showed a set of readings to Felix. The Engineer
leaned in. Felix frowned:
“You
know much about noumenometers?”
“Humour
me” said the Engineer, irked but deadpan.
“No”
said Felix abruptly. “Do you have schematics for this machine?”
“Of
course” said the Engineer.
“Stress
tests…?”
“The
supplier comes in and checks it annually” said the Engineer, still
taken aback.
“OK”
said Felix. “What we’ll need to do is put up a reality anchor as
a frame, stabilise the situation and dismantle the whole thing,
carefully.”
“What…?”
said the Engineer, incredulous.
“What’s
your name?” Matt asked.
“Amber…”
said the Engineer, now looking concerned.
“The
thing is, Amber, this is a particular infestation of late-capitalism
that seems to be concentrated on the means of production. You might
have heard of some cases.” Amber said nothing but Matt had her
attention. “Fixed plant, raw materials, equipment, is all getting
up and taking on life.”
“An
imitation of life” said Felix.
“It’s
all down to quantum fluctuation” said Matt, “tremendous leaps of
improbability, localised in… things like this.” He pointed to the
machine. “If we can find the source we can switch it off. But in
this case the source is the entire body of the machine so what we do
is…”
“Put
it in a box” said Felix. “Nice mansplain” he added, smirking.
“Thanks”
said Matt. “It’s just a set of special metal alloy panels that
absorb the Hume Rays.”
“Hume
Rays…?” said Amber.
“It’s
what we call them” said Matt. “Hey, why do we call them that?”
“I
don’t know” said Felix. “But if we call the depot now we should
be able to get them up by end-of-day.”
“You're
kidding...?”
“I'm
kidding” said Felix. “We've got some in the van, we should have
it up in no time.”
Amber
thought about it for a moment then shook her head. “And what has
any
of this
got to do with communism?”
“We
don’t make the rules” said Felix with a silly grin.
…
A
little over an hour later the trio were standing in the near dark.
“Keep some room for the cable” said Matt. They’d put up a box
round the mecha-monster. Felix held a torch while Amber and Matt
heaved equipment inside through the makeshift door. The caterpillar,
now half-cocooned, had calmed down a lot. It was looking more and
more like it should have done, a pile of broken machinery.
“What’s
the levels’ like?” Matt asked.
“Almost
one-for-one” said Felix, consulting the noumenometer in his other
hand.
“Really…?”Amber
asked. Matt had been filling her in on more of the (non-confidential)
details of the job. “Is reality a one-for-one chain of causality?”
“Dude,
she has a point” said Matt as he laid down the last of the tools
they’d use.
“It
depends on the time frame” said Felix, “but for the duration
we’re operating at sub-real levels of causation.”
“Let
me get this straight” said Amber. “If we brought the generator
inside and closed the door everything that then happened inside here
would be…?”
“Inevitable”
said Felix, fixing her gaze. “We’d better leave the door ajar
then.”
“Are
you sure about this?” Matt asked.
“Its
fine” said Felix. “Look” he pointed to the junk in front of
them. “If anything happens we’ll get back-up” he added. “We’ve
dealt with the ice-cream cows, hanging-file bats and so many
scaffolding vines” he said with a sly smile, “I’m sure we can
deal with this.”
“But
you do have back-up?” Amber asked, deapan.
“We’ll start with the joins” said Felix.
Matt
and Amber got started with a pneumatic bolt remover. The first bolt
fell to the floor with a muffled clink. Suddenly there was an
almighty sound, a cross between a moo and a roar. “What was that…?”
said Felix. Before anyone could find out the floor began shaking.
“Quick! Out…!” The trio darted for exit. The earthquake
continued, getting louder, loose objects clattered all around. The
ground outside the warehouse was falling away. There was another
moo/roar. The warehouse lifted itself off the ground and began to
walk.
