Wednesday, 20 April 2016


Scene One
Exterior: a leafy, suburban street. A middle-aged man, clean-shaven, well-dressed and conventionally handsome and appears in half-body shot. He looks into the camera.
Man: [In crisp, confident Transatlantic RP] There has never been a better time to rent your property out. Supply is down and demand is on the up and will be for the foreseeable future [He approaches the camera - stops - a head and shoulders shot] but the future is not always certain [frowns].
Scene Two
Interior: Man is standing in an anonymously busy office, half-body shot. Everyone else in the office is seated at a computer terminal.
Man: [Walks through the office making sympathetic hand gestures] As an entrepreneur and smart investor you know you have to stay one step ahead of the market. We at Marshall, Carter and Dark understand this [stops]. And that is why we have come up with a radical new solution to the problems landlords face.
Scene Three 
Interior: Man walks along an narrow, empty corridor, full-body shot, towards the camera.
Man: [Holds out arms] There is only so much space to go around, [relaxes] what with [in a wry tone] health and safety laws, there have always been limitations to how you can utilise your property and enhance revenue streams. [Stops] Until now...
Scene Four 
Montage of art works.

Man: [Voiceover] Abartists have been delighting us with their ability to conjure dimensionally anomalous art works. But...
using new Eleven-Dimensional Abspace Expansion Technology...
a supercomputer...

and grey market fissile material... 

we can now take this process out of the gallery and into the real world
Scene Five
Montage of various dwellings and structures.
Man: [Voiceover] Our engineers took this two-bedroom end of terrace property in Oldham and added eight further rooms, two bedrooms, a master suite, a drawing room, office, coelacanth tank, dungeon and granny annex, all without affecting structural integrity and with minimal loss of life.

We acquired this four-bedroom detached house in Southampton and installed 
 a fifty-bunk barracks, a fully-equipped armoury and concealable helipad without expanding regular floor space or increasing council-tax bills. But there's more.
Last year we recovered this abandoned aviary in Newcastle-Upon Tyne. It now includes a formula one racetrack and indoor ski centre, all built in less than THREE MONTHS

Scene Six
Return to man standing in corridor.
Man: Space, it used to be the final frontier. Not anymore... Here at Marshall, Carter and Dark we want to help you [points at camera] shake society down for all it's got. Purchase now and we will throw in a free apprentice or work-placement peon of your choice to do with whatever you like [smiles knowingly].
Scene Seven
Man: [Voiceover] Offer ends 2020, terms and conditions apply. Marshall, Carter and Dark: because landlords run this show. 

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